Welcome (I think)

Welcome all,

This blog is an offshoot of several pieces I wrote back in 2004 (we can actually say that to 2004 now—“back in the good old 2004”) during my nth visit to Armenia. At the time I thought that Dr. Spurkian would be just like a summer romance (a good and memorable experience in the summer but disappears once you get back to your home and work).

I’m sorry to say that it wasn’t. There was some buzz created around the postings (which appeared on the Groong news network at the time and which I have included in the "2004 Archives" as my initial postings) and after a long interruption of 3 years (enough time for someone to appear out of nowhere and become the President of Armenia) I decided to give it another shot.

Since the new posting in early 2007, I’ve got encouraging emails to keep on expressing my opinion on things that many of us (you) think and some people even dared me to start a blog to increase readership. Well, being the stubborn and vain Armenian as I am, I decided to take on those challenges and start a blog.

Please do not expect any revealing information in these pages, just some egomaniac who thinks that he knows better than some and has taken up the “banner” of spreading “truth” and expressing his own opinion about things, which are otherwise left unsaid.

Godspeed to you for your patience to read and, to me to be able to update this blog regularly.

Cheers,

Note: The above message is approved by Dr. Spurkian himself who, like many “intellectuals”, is too busy to write his own welcoming notes.

Dr. Spurkian Goes to Aparan

After receiving several e-mails commenting on my previous entry “DR. SPURKIAN’S NEW YEAR’S WISH LIST FOR ARMENIANS” I figured out that it’s now safer to venture into more “serious” issues. So do write with your opinion to the email address at the end of the piece.

Last week while walking around in the center of Yerevan—of course that is just a figure of speech since the level of cold, snow and ice make it impossible to walk around; rather I would hop from one store to another in search of warmth and protection from the bitter cold—I came across an announcement of a conference titled “The Social and Economic Consequences of the Turkish-Armenian Border Opening.” The topic was controversial—yet again all topics are controversial among Armenians—and the venue was warm, exactly the right combination that I like and enjoy, so I decided to go to the conference and learn a thing or two about the topic.

Before talking more about the conference I have to “reveal” my biases towards academics and especially those in social sciences and humanities. I believe that academics are the most arrogant people to walk around the face of the world—of course after politicians in which case the lethal combination of a politician with academic background is really scary. However the level of arrogance among these people varies depending on the field of their study. Thus I think historians are the most arrogant since they believe that it is up to them to interpret history and analyze it. They are closely followed by economists who strongly argue that they are the only true scientist in social sciences since they deal with numbers. In a not so distant third place are the political scientists who think that they know how to solve problems.

The conference was well attended and full of emotions. While the presenters talked mostly about the economic and social aspects of the border opening, political interjections and injections were nevertheless present. What was particularly interesting was the seriousness on many people’s faces as if they were at the crossroads of history and were carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. Yet others present there projected an image as if they were there to start up a fight. One could tell that individuals belonging to the second group were present mostly to object to the fact that Turkey and Armenia were used in the same sentence.


SCIENTI(FICTION) CONFERENCE
The Armenian word for a conference is actually scientific conference (kidajoghov) which is anachronistic since whenever you have Armenians at conference the realms of science and fiction seem to overlap. This is not to say that Armenian scholars cannot present well researched papers it’s just that at conferences like this you always have several people who constantly argue and object to any expressed idea which goes contrary to the “conventional wisdom.”

One of the things I like about going to conferences (especially ones that include Armenians from Armenia and the diasporas) is the chance that I get to have sociological and anthropological studies. Thus if one observes carefully, one could see the way people are seated reflects their origins and backgrounds, hence diasporans flock with diasporans and Armenians from Armenia seem to congregate together (I wonder if the saying “birds of feather flock together” came when someone observed a similar situation). However when one looks closer, within that stratification a further division seems to emerge, a division based on ideas about the “good of the nation” or to use the more nasty word “nationalists”. The interesting thing is that nationalist from Armenia and those from the diasporas don’t seem to work together which makes me wonder if the factors bringing them together (nationalism) is not as strong as the ones separating them (being from Armenia or not).

In any case, going back to the conference, the presenters there were mostly economists (with a sprinkle of political scientist here and there to add flavor) and they studied the issue of border opening exhaustingly. Useless to say peoples’ biases was apparent regardless how “scientific” the research was. It’s amazing to what extent people claim that they are absolutely right, absolutely true and absolutely just when another person claims the same by presenting opposite ideas. I think it would be better to call these “objectivities” rather than objectivity since there seem to be so many of them. in this conference those with backgrounds opposing the border opening produces paper and studies arguing that the border opening was actually going to hurt Armenia’s economy while those supporting the border opening presented papers arguing that such an endeavor would only strengthen Armenia’s economy on the long run.

I have to admit that most of the charts and graphs presented by either of the groups was beyond my grasp and suffering from an acute case of AAADD (Armenian Adult Attention Deficit Disorder) wasn’t much of a help either. What stopped me from falling sleep on the shoulder of the person sitting next to me was that at the end of each panel there was a lively discussion where individuals attending the conference wanted to have their 5 minute (sometimes that would be 10 minute) fame. Under the guise of asking a question they would start a whole lecture on why Turkey and Armenia should or should not be friends. You have to give it to Armenian men when it comes to show off and speech, its all about words—eloquently put together with funny sayings—and no substance. Sometimes they would go on talking for hours without actually saying anything.

Not having anything to gain or lose from the Turkish-Armenian border opening I started drifting into daydreaming about times when the weather outside was warmer and I had a chance to walk around Yerevan without the need to hide from the absurd cold and snow raging outside.

COLD MEMORIES OF WARMER TIMES
I don’t know how or why but one of the first things I remembered while sitting at the back of the conference room was an encounter that I had about 4 months earlier in the city of Aparan. Before anyone gets any funny ideas let me warn you that the experience that I had was not funny at all despite what you have heard about jokes from Aparan and on Aparantsis.

The incident that I had was when I accompanied a friend to the municipality headquarters in Aparan and while he was taking care of some official business related to documentations—which in Armenia is quite a long process regardless of how small or unimportant the document is—and I just sat on the stairs in front of the municipality. Not long after a tall man with dark complexions approached and extended his hand with a greeting. I had several reactions to his gesture. First thing that “hit” me was the smell, the persons smelled of alcohol and was also on serious need of a bath. His height and long arms made me visualize that if he wanted he could easily hold me from my head and oscillate me like a clock pendulum. However the initial “shock” of the smell and the image of me swinging in the air with my head in this giant’s hands soon gave way when he just sat there next to me and asked for a cigarette.

Not being a smoker I told him that I didn’t have any on me thinking that after that he might just get up and leave to find another source for his smoke. Yet strangely enough he removed a pack from his shirt pocket and started smoking. I was sitting a step higher than the “giant” yes still wasn’t at the same head level as he was but I had the advantage to observe him without making any eye contact since it would have required him to turn his head around—and below—to talk with me. It was obvious that this person was drunk at 11:00 in the morning; however there was something about him that made me curious to talk with him.

The first thing that he asked was if I could find him a job. Now that’s a quite common theme that I have come across in Armenia outside of Yerevan. While there are many beggars asking for money and aid in the capital city—including the government—the villagers seem to be more proud and usually ask for work to be eventually reimbursed though it. The “giant” might have been drunk, incoherent in his speech but was still too proud to beg. My answer to his inquires for work was a typical neo-colonial and judgmental. I asked him if he has thought about not drinking before looking for a job. After blurting that out I realized what a stupid thing I’ve done; stupid not because of being judgmental but becuase of the fact that I could be used as a pendulum in an instant. However the giant’s reaction was that he wasn’t drunk which only made me more judgmental becuase it was obvious he was lying.

At this point something very strange happened which humbled and humiliated me. All the time while I was sitting on the stairs with the giant people were passing by and looking at us in disbelief about the pairing of the “town fool” (as I thought they were viewing him) and a diasporan. While my questioning of the giant was going on a young boy (perhaps 18 years old or so) got out of the municipality building, saw the giant and approached him with a greeting calling him “hopar” (uncle). To my surprise and shock he even hugged and kissed the giant and had a 2 minute conversation with him after which he again kissed the “hopar” and parted. My interest in the character of giant “hopar” multiplied manifold and I asked him if he had family.

The response was not what I expected. What I could gather from his inconsistent speech was that he had two sons but when I asked about their whereabouts he said “they’re gone”. No knowing where they had gone I kept probing and after a long short-sentenced conversation it turned out that “hopar” was, at some point during Soviet times, been to prison because he had killed someone who had insulted his family; there were markings on his hand knuckles which later I found out was how prisoners were branded under the Soviet penal system. After getting out of prison and when just as he was trying to put his life together the war in Nagorno-Karabakh broke off and he, along with his two sons went to the front.

As the “hopar” was telling this story he kept repeating “what should I do (inch anem)” repeatedly. I didn’t know the context of why he was asking that but it soon became clear. During the war two of his sons were killed and when he got back form the front he was so shocked that couldn’t work or do anything else but drink (the part of drinking is my guess). One thing led to another and this proud and perhaps even handsome man was transformed into a drunk who smell and who was now repeating “inch anem, inch anem”. I was speechless—which for people who know me is a something next to inconceivable—and couldn’t do anything but sit there and try to be a good listener without any judgments. Luckily for me, my friend had just finished his paperwork—after 4 hours of gruesome process—and was ready to head back to Yerevan. Before me bidding farewell, the “hopar” stood up shook my hand again and walked off smoking his local cigarettes.

At that moment I started contemplating about several things. First to what extent we as Armenians (and mostly Diaspora Armenians) are an arrogant and uniformed bunch. Here I was an outsider, judging a man who by all accounts had a tragic life, without even thinking for a moment that he could have been a victim of circumstances. If the reader was paying attention even the way I referred to the man changed from a passive “giant” to “hopar”. I guess we are who we are after all and no matter what situation we’re in we always think that we know better than anyone around us.

This thought brought me back to the conference and how people were amazed and content with what they were doing. As if just being invited and being in that huge hall at one of the best hotels in Armenia was an approval of their role and position in Armenia’s and Armenian life. Unfortunately while people talk about politics and define who Armenia’s enemies or friends are and wage real or imagined “wars” with everyone who disagrees with them, Armenians in and outside of Armenia are still waiting for someone to answer the question that they—just like the “hopar” in Aparan—have been repeating like a mantra: “inch anenk”.

DR. SPURKIAN’S NEW YEAR’S WISH LIST FOR ARMENIANS

Well, it’s that time of the year where people wait in ridiculously long lines at check out counters at malls to buy presents or at post-offices to mail letters, cards and packages to loved ones in an ever-shrinking world. As is the case with many people I decided to make a wish list and see if any of those wishes would be realized in the coming year. That being said I have to mention that not being on Santa’s `nice’ list, I have very low expectations that any of my wishes will come through, however on the plus side getting my wish list out there in an ever-expanding cyberspace I hope that some people might pick them up and try to realize some of the thoughts and wishes.


A WISH LIST FOR ARMENIAN (DIS)ORGANIZATIONS IN THE DIASPORAS

First of all Armenian organizations have to realize that they are NOT as important to Armenia as they think they are. Certainly in larger context most of the Armenian organizations operating in all over the world have some usefulness but they are all stuck in a conundrum: How to be of help to Armenia while keeping their power base in the diasporas? Well unfortunately a solution of that conundrum is far from the ability of anyone to solve (even Santa’s) and hence it is better not to dwell on it. Of course if there were to be a solution to that duality, then the simple answer would be that diasporic organizations need to get their act together first, adapt themselves to changing times and realize that the environment that they are working in is not the same as the Caucasus in late 19th century, Egypt in the early 20th century, Middle East in the 1950s-70, nor is it the United States in the 1970s and early 80s. It seems that Armenian life outside of Armenia is stuck in a time capsule and most of the ‘leadership’ of the diasporic communities look to the past - rather than the now and the future - for answers.

The realignment of space-time continuum of the raison d’être of the organization is only the first wish that I have in my mind. Thus an even more important wish is that people who are in charge of these organizations stop thinking of these organizations as vessels to achieve their own goals (those goals being personal ones or their own vision of life). It’s unfortunate but true that in many cases the work of an organization is put on a back-burner in exchange for visibility of those who are doing the job. This wish is quite challenging to Santa because in most cases those people who are in charge of various organizations are usually inept in doing anything else. Don’t the masses realize that those who claim to lead them are usually individuals who cannot operate outside of the Armenian realm and subsequently their worldview remains confined to the narrow horizon of their own world. On the other hand of the spectrum there are leaders who have been successful individually and have financial independence (or super-independence) and they suddenly realize that having money automatically buys them intellect and that they could lead the various organizations - and through them the `nation’ - to a better status.

Going to a more ‘manageable’ wish for the diasporic organizations is for them to realize that they are organizations in the diasporas and as such they need to take care of diasporas first. Of course this wish would render half the organizations useless but the truth of the matter remains that the organizations - with all their shortcomings, vanities and superiority complexes - have, in the last 15 years or so, neglected the communities that they claim they lead. It is true an Armenia-centered strategy should remain in the hearts and minds of Armenian but the challenge of ‘holding two watermelons with one hand’ (or 3 watermelons with both hands) will only make a mess since all the watermelons will fall and create very slippery floors on which the communities will not be able to walk. For this wish it is important for diasporans to realize that Armenia can survive on its own - after all it has done so in the past - while the diasporas need constant nourishment, care and attention to strengthen their chances for continuity.

As a follow up to the above wishes, I wish that the diasporan media stops recycling old concepts and terminologies and starts critically addressing the problems that Armenians face. While the constant repetition that things are ok and would eventually make people believe that things really ARE ok, but it won’t MAKE things ok. The inability of most organizations and communities to adapt to changing circumstances will only make the disappearance of the diasporas a reality in a shorter period of time.

Finally, diasporans, stop thinking that you know what is best for Armenia. There are as many opinions of what constitutes a ‘true Armenianness’ as there are organizations. However, there is no single organizations which has a messianic mission and the last time I checked with the gods (through official email inquiries) I was notified that none of the Armenian organizations were given authority to claim that they know the ultimate `truth’. So stop acting with a sense of self-importance and start really engaging the communities you work in to make things better for them and by extension eventually helping the state.


A WISH LIST FOR THE ‘LEADERSHIP’ IN ARMENIA

Stop thinking about yourselves and start doing what a political leadership should be doing - taking care of the state and its citizens. Achieving power and keeping it should not be self-serving and it needs to be used to make things better (however that is defined). Realize that the country does not consist of just the capital city nor of the dozen or so villages in border areas. There are over 900 villages which need to be nurtured and developed to make the country a reliable place. In order to achieve that, the first step for Armenia’s leadership is to stop making more money. The business of politics is politics not business. It is logical to assume that one cannot run a business and a country simultaneously (remember the watermelon analogy mentioned above).

As important as the first wish, it is important that the political leadership realizes that relying on outside help - be that the diasporas, Russia, or the West - will not get them anywhere. It clearly hasn’t helped in the past two centuries or so, yet politicians keep talking about the importance of outside (f)actors in making Armenia `stronger.’ The last 15 years have shown that the more Armenia relies on outside entities, the longer will it take to rely on itself. No one cares about Armenia except Armenians and no one would like to see a strong Armenia except for the Armenians.

A very important wish that I would like Santa to give to Armenia’s leadership is for them to realize that politics and power achieved at the top level - presidency, defense and foreign ministries, etc - is not real power. Never, in the past several presidential and parliamentary elections, has any candidate tried to listen to the people and what they want. This has created a situation where the `elite’ has treated the populace in a way where they told them `If we need your opinion, we’ll give it to you.’ Of course the remedy of this situation is when citizens of Armenia take ownership of their country and truly have power to elect their representatives, but alas the sad fact remains that elections in Armenia are all about the ability to buy votes. As I write this I realize that relying on Santa to achieve this wish list might be a tad difficult since Santa could be easily bought off by the politicians in Armenia and the wish list could be altered for their own benefits.

A WISH LIST FOR ME
Being the egocentric entities as humans are, I figured out I could slip my own wishes in the package of wishes mentioned above. I wish, when I write about the issues that concern Armenians, to hear from more people about their own opinion about these issues. While ideally I wish most of the response are not in the nature of questioning my sanity or analyzing my family background to see if I am an Armenian or not (of course in a more colorful language than I can use in this forum), I believe such interaction would help people think collectively and question `conventional wisdom’ with the hope of achieving `enlightenment.’

Leaving "Home" (August 2004)

As I write these final paragraphs I am struck with a feeling that I am about to leave home. I never had that feeling before. Maybe I didn’t know my ‘home’ well enough to experience separation anxiety. What has changed since the last time I was here to make me feel more at home? Definitely one thing is that I have given directions to some locals when they were lost (but of course being typical men they never admitted that they were lost, just that they were trying to get to a certain destination). One other reason is that my absence for a long time from Armenia made it possible for me to assess and reassess the ties that I might have with this quasi-third world, overly commercialized and car-overflowing country. Of course the fact that I have been able to look at the Diaspora from a different perspective and realize to what extent it has become self-absorbed and involved in petty politics also played an important factor in creating a stronger bond with Armenia.

Having said all these, I find myself more and more in the role of a character in the American science fiction series “The X-files”, where the character always repeats the motto ‘I want to believe.’ The analogy is about my skepticism that things have changed for the better. I do want to believe that the country has changed to the better over the past several years and in many ways it has. However being the pessimist self-hating Diaporan that I am, I keep choosing to observe only the worst in every development. Being a cynic thus is not always helpful and it makes it impossible for me to feel at home either in Armenia or the Diaspora. But after all, who am I? I’m just a person. What does a single person matter in the larger existence of a nation? Perhaps nothing. I just hope that over the past several weeks I have been able to share some of my experiences with some readers, who, according to them, shared similar experiences as well as with other readers who basically thought that I’m a nut case and deserved to be executed for betraying ‘national secrets.’

I already hear the cheers of those who were bored to tears when reading these series, but I also could imagine seeing the faces of those people who wrote to share their own experiences with me. For those whom I’ve entertained I say thank you for reading; for those who I’ve insulted, I apologize for them not being able to have an open mind to try to look at things from different perspectives.

Sleepless in Yerevan (August 2004)

No I don’t have insomnia, neither am I suffering from jetlag, it just happens that I am more operational during the early hours of the morning (between 3 and 6 am). Of course there are several reasons for this. The first is that the Internet in Yerevan is faster during those times since less people are online. The second reason is that nights in Yerevan are cooler and it’s more pleasurable to work during those times when there are less cars driving around honking their horns and making a mess out of my nerves.

I would be a liar - who hasn’t lied before anyway! - if I say that checking e-mail and working at night are the only reason why I enjoy the nights of Yerevan. There’s something amazing about Yerevan nightlife. The cafis are of course one unfortunate feature of that but also whoever has taken a stroll in the streets of Yerevan during late night feels that there is something charming about the city at night. It’s not that the night covers the inequalities of people, it’s that when one is walking in the streets of Yerevan looking at other passers by, one gets a feeling of belongingness. This feelings is not based on any identity or socio-economic status - although political hotshots are always there to disturb the peace with their police escorts which pull aside everyone in their path, car or pedestrian.

Has anyone wondered why Armenian ‘politicians’ - be it in Armenia or Diaspora (in the Diaspora they are called party members) - have to act so seriously? Now come on, nobody ever said that to be a viable and trustworthy politician (those two words are sort of contradictory in nature) one needs to be serious. Perhaps it’s a macho thing where to overstate one’s machoness, a serious look could do the trick. That’s one of the reason I could never get along with Armenian politicians since I always manage to be not serious and that of course is a major no - no for a politician. Of course one other issue making my job much easier is that no politician wants to be associated with me as well, since I’m not enough Armenian for them!